"I Want a Boyfriend"

This is my version of Judy Brady’s “I Want a Wife”, satirizing the expectations of a boyfriend.

I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend who pays for every date, without expecting me to pay for anything. I want a boyfriend who also picks me up on time and drives me to each date. A boyfriend who buys me makeup, flowers, and jewelry, even when I don’t ask for it and even when it’s not a special occasion. I want a boyfriend who is loyal to me no matter what. A boyfriend who doesn’t even look at another girl in a way that I don’t like. But, of course, I want a boyfriend who understands that I may flirt with other boys for my own reasons. I want a boyfriend who listens to all of my complaints and anything else I want to talk about. But I want a boyfriend who doesn’t bother me with his troubles because they may stress me out. I want a boyfriend who will forego hanging out with his friends to hang out with me. But I also want a boyfriend who isn’t upset when I do things with my friends even if we already had plans. I want a boyfriend who is always the first to apologize after we’ve had a fight, even if it was my fault. I want a boyfriend who will not get upset if I am rude to him. A boyfriend who will never be rude to me after a bad day. Who wouldn’t want a boyfriend?