Everyone recognizes the importance of politeness to
indicate respect towards another individual and “negotiate that relationship” (Pinker)
with said person. However, being polite usually does not convey actual intent, often
obscuring the true meaning of one’s words with otherwise unnecessary
information.
In my everyday life, there is one place I am
constantly surrounded by the “vagueness and innuendo” that is “ordinary
politeness” (Pinker): School. I have few close friends, but I have many acquaintances
who I began talking to out of necessity or because we had a mutual friend. Due
to this, I often find myself making small talk and saying things like “How are
you?” or “Let’s get together soon!” while recognizing neither parties are fully
genuine. These little remarks are also said amongst classmates at the end of
the summer, but no one actually ends up “hanging out”. This is because students
are using these polite phrases as “social currency with real value” (Pinker).
People want to appear friendly and don’t want society to label them rude or ‘weird’
so they use polite language as a “means of saving face” (Pinker).
With close friends however, the current generation
going through high school doesn’t see the point of overt politeness, much to
teachers’ and parents’ dismay. Parents consistently reprimanded this generation
for not being polite and urging them to show respect to other adults. However,
when they grew up, they didn’t deem it necessary. One too many times I have
heard fellow classmates being blunt and exchanging insults with one another
only to have a teacher yell at them for ‘bullying’. To the teacher, two kids
were purposefully being rude to each other. To everyone else in the room, two
friends were just talking. When friends genuinely are wondering how each other
are doing or want to show a specific kindness, they will; but, they don’t use
these euphemisms constantly. Therefore, politeness
isn’t necessary in terms of conveying casual thoughts, society is just caught
up in “the talismanic power of words” (Kakutani).
The extra layer of politeness in language is not
employed to speak truthfully or give more meaning to something; it was created
and is still used in order to keep up relationships and to appear friendly to
the general public.
